the dips i get with my mood or emotional state or whatever i never see them coming and then one day i wake up and i’m like ‘wow everything is shit’ and today was one of those days and it just felt so bad

and the worst part about it is in my attempt to somehow express my feeling bad without anyone actually knowing i feel bad or something and i just come off as really mean and i lash out at people and then i feel really crappy and guilty and i feel like i’m such a burden on everyone because i get to these points where i’m no fun and i’m just really awful to be around and they don’t have to deal with that 

and i get really scared of the day when they finally decide to just not give a crap anymore and they’ll just leave me and i’ll be all alone but i can’t stop myself when i get to that point where i’m really difficult

i can feel myself like low key panicking or something and i feel so uneasy and stressed and upset and i just want to feel better but i also can’t make myself get up and try and feel better and the more i just sit around the worse i feel i don’t know what to do